The 17 Worst Speeches in History That Ruined the Best Days
Did you know that the tradition of toasting at weddings, after which people always bring in their glasses together, goes back a long time and is associated with a precaution against poisoned drinks? But sometimes it’s not just the drinks that can contain poison, but the speeches, as well. And quotes from The Simpsons are just the tip of the iceberg here!
A wedding is a really memorable day in a family’s history. It’s a joyous day that is filled with champagne, gifts, and heartwarming toasts…Some of which are sometimes absolutely ridiculous and hilarious.
Bright Side collected the most original wedding speeches as told by the users of reddit. At the end of the collection you’ll find a story with a crazy twist!
At a buddy’s wedding, the maid of honor (the bride’s sister) accidentally let it slip in her speech that the bride was the one who told her that Santa wasn’t real. There were probably 30-40 kids in the audience. She quickly tried to take it back, but the damage was already done for any of the kids that were actually paying attention.
I was at a wedding where the groom’s grandfather gave a speech. He stepped up to the mic and said, “(Groom), I hope you made the right choice.” Then just walked off. Old people waste no time speaking their feelings. Everyone cracked up. The bride was cool about it.
“We all know that she been down this road before.” — said the bride’s brother at her second wedding.
I got extremely smashed for my cousin’s wedding. When the guys came around with the camera, they filmed me and asked if I had anything to say to the bride and the groom.
Well, my drunk ass starts going on about “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. I remember watching you grow up and I’m so happy for you.”
My cousin is 8 years older than me.
Best man speech: “Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie, I said Jackie?! Ewww! But that’s how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person…”
Jackie wasn’t very attractive.
The best man waddles up to the podium, obviously very drunk. He opens up his folder with his speech in it. Opens his mouth to say his first words and projectile vomits directly over the podium. He says into the mic, “Whoops. That’s not what I meant to say.” The groomsmen had to drag him away.
My husband and I went to get married at City Hall and accidentally walked into the place that handles divorces and annulments. An employee pointed it out to us and my husband said, “Okay, we’ll be back next year then.”
A groomsman got drunk and went up to give a speech and ended up wishing my husband and me a happy birthday.
“Well, this wedding was nice and all. But I’m sure all the married couples know it’s not a real marriage until you start having children!”
The bride was infertile.
My best man, my brother, had a lot of Simpson’s quotes in his speech. No one else got them, but I thought it was great.
My boyfriend’s best friend made a speech at his mom’s second wedding (he’s 33 so they were all grown up.)
He said, “It’s always hard being accepted into a new family as a stepfather but hats off to Brian, especially as I heard him practicing asking me to call him Daddy late last night.”
His mother was mortified.
The groom was giving his speech, talking about the bride’s father and how her father used to threaten to kill him with a shovel. He then proceeded to lift a gift-wrapped shovel and said, “So I bought this for you as a gift.”
This was followed by an angry voice from the family table yelling, “Hey! I’ll kill you!”
My father, at my wedding, “Marriage is like a bouquet of flowers. Over time, it withers and you have to change it.”
He wanted to say that you need to take care of the bouquet and, obviously, he misremembered the quote from another wedding.
My wife and I are separating, so I guess he was right.
“I’d like to take this time to welcome the bride into our family. I’ve been told you have a clean bill of health so let’s hope the third time’s the charm.”
I said that at my father’s third wedding. He’s a 2-time widower.
I wasn’t there to see it, but my buddy told me about a bad toast he witnessed his cousin give. Basically, the best man froze up, didn’t know what to say, and he ended up congratulating my friend (who wasn’t the groom) on being accepted into the University of Michigan.
I was at a friend’s wedding when one of my friends stood up to make a speech and it was pretty good until the last sentence when he said, “Who knows, this could’ve been my wedding if I didn’t mess things up with her.”
Everyone was silent.
The only thing the best man said was, “Well, we’re all here today for a reason, a good woman died. May she rest in peace.”
It was about the groom’s late (first) wife who passed away over 10 years ago.
My cousin decided to use someone she had known since her college days to bake her cake for her wedding, and this person was in love with her, but never talked about it. He decided that the moment had come, and it was a good idea to profess his love on the cake by writing “You are mine forever — from Xiz”. I had to intervene and gloss over all this absurdity before the groom saw it.
Which story is the best? Maybe you have similar wedding story? Tell us in the comments!